I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
