yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
