True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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