There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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