when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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