so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
