I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
