i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
