matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
