So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize