TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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