check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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