I will die if light touches me.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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