apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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