He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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