Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
