My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
