***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
