So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
