When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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