Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
