We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
