This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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