there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
