in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
