I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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