Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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