ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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