i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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