I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
