so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
