Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
