My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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