fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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