youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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