We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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