Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
