What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
