Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I wish you could order shots online.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
3pm strippers are depressing
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
