a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Randomize
