I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize