using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
