i just wanna soil my oats bro
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
