I need help removing her.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
