I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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