Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
