your parents love me but you hate me
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
