the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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