she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize