I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
