just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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