By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
