I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
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