I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
