3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
