Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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