there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
