Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
