Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
