i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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