That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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