As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
