I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It's never too late to be topless.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
